Chat transcript: Peanut and balls

(20:34:35) Some Girl:may i know whose this
(20:35:00) Mike:This is Joe. You sent me a message through my website. Who’s this?
(20:35:26) Some Girl:thnk you very much.. im looking for you..
(20:36:06) Mike:Um, do I owe you money? How much? I’m kinda broke right now but if you could give me a month I could pay you off
(20:36:52) Some Girl:no imaen i nid your advice / whose joe is rhis/
(20:37:20) Mike:I’m Joe D Mango on the radio but my real name is Dominador Escueta. What sort of advice?
(20:37:50) Some Girl:how will i know if your really joe.. you know there many people around who just want to play.. Im sorry im just asking
(20:37:59) Some Girl:well in my love life
(20:38:33) Some Girl logged out.
(20:39:14) Mike:Okay now we’re talking! What’s wrong with your love life? do you like kids?
(20:39:2 Some Girl logged in.
(20:40:49) Some Girl:im sorry my comp hang
(20:40:57) Some Girl:about this guy
(20:41:05) Mike:Wait wait wait
(20:41:13) Some Girl:what
(20:41:47) Mike:let me get this straight; judging from your name I gather that you’re a guy. Now you’re gonna tell me a problem you have with a guy? Am I the only person who thinks that sounds wrong?
(20:42:26) Some Girl:nope i, a girl.. thats how my friends call me
(20:42:4 Some Girl:can i call you.. if its okey
(20:42:52) Mike:Not that I have a problem with gay people mind you, I actually have a lot of close friends who are gay. I even gave one mouth babies but let’s not talk about that.

(20:42:55) Some Girl:thru this comp
(20:43:30) Mike:I’d rather chat sorry. I’m editing letters for the next love notes episode you see.
(20:43:44) Mike:so tell me what your problem is with this guy.
(20:44:10) Some Girl:om sorry.. wait ill just get my letter and paste it here
(20:44:17) Mike:oh don’t do that!
(20:44:30) Some Girl:why
(20:45:01) Mike:Let’s do this like we’re talking in a cafe, me sitting across you; sipping a green tea frap. Obviously we’re in starbucks.
(20:45:16) Some Girl:okey i see..
(20:45:3 Mike:It’s just more personal that way; I’d like to get personal with my listeners you see.
(20:45:53) Some Girl:well this guy is my sutor when i was in hig skul
(20:45:57) Some Girl:im so touch
(20:46:0 Mike:He touched you?
(20:46:32) Mike:I don’t get it. He touched you? and you let him? WHY?!
(20:46:42) Some Girl:i dind like him so i drop him that was i think 10 years ago
(20:46:5 Mike:how high did you drop him from? did you give him head?
(20:46:59) Some Girl:im so touch when you say you wqant to get personal
(20:47:15) Some Girl:no imean.. binasted ko sya.
(20:47:24) Mike:oh yeah I like touching girls. Especially my listeners.
(20:47:30) Mike:okay then?
(20:47:42) Some Girl:nung d na nya ko nililigawan, i beagn to like him
(20:48:29) Some Girl:i hated mo for treating him , the way i treat him when he courted me.. so he try to foget me and find another girl
(20:48:5 Mike:okay go ahead, I’m rubbing myself here.
(20:49:17) Some Girl:to make the story short.. we already have our family right now,
(20:49:56) Some Girl:im already separated for almost 1 year and half.. and i recover for that heartbreak
(20:50:06) Mike:Do you have kids?
(20:50:15) Some Girl:my husban have his own family right now with 2 kids
(20:50:21) Some Girl:i have 1 son
(20:50:27) Mike:is your son cute?
(20:50:3 Some Girl:il show yo his picture
(20:50:50) Some Girl:here it is
(20:50:51) Mike:and I know this is irrelevant but how did you have him? C-section or normal delivery?
(20:51:05) Some Girl:cs
(20:51:11) Some Girl:isnt he cute
(20:51:19) Some Girl:like his mom
(20:51:54) Mike:very cute. I can’t wait til he grows up to be a nubile little boy.
(20:52:51) Some Girl:so going back… i already forget the heartache that my husband gave to me.. and tthis guy came to the picture.. his cousin is my best friend thts way we get close again
(20:52:56) Mike:I need a second. I’m getting excited here.
(20:53:09) Mike:can you type “Nubile little boy” for me?
(20:53:24) Mike:…
(20:53:2 Mike:…
(20:53:29) Some Girl:“Nubile little boy why?
(20:53:44) Mike:OHHHHHHHHHWwww that hit the spot!
(20:53:4 Mike:whew.
(20:53:53) Mike:nothing. tee hee.
(20:53:54) Some Girl:what you mean
(20:53:5 Some Girl:okey
(20:53:59) Mike:Okay going back..
(20:54:47) Some Girl:his wife give birthb to their first child but unfortunately she did not recover… i forgot… what do you call that..
(20:55:06) Some Girl:i mean that.. she suffer from
(20:55:15) Mike:You mean she died from delivering a huge-ass baby?
(20:55:52) Some Girl:no naging gulay sya
(20:56:2 Mike:or did she just turn into an bed-ridden invalid wench? If that’s the case it’s not so bad. As long as she can still suck using her mouth and move her tongue.
(20:56:29) Some Girl:pero as of now nakaklakad na sya.. pero her brain and body function is not normal
(20:56:44) Mike:Oh I see. Okay then what happened?
(20:57:11) Some Girl:For almost a year his wife is not normal. She forgot almost everything, his brain is damage and so as his body function
(20:58:12) Some Girl:i text him and ask him about their hiring in their company.. he is a seaman.. because his mom and i are talking and her mom inform me about the hiring in their company
(20:58:50) Some Girl:so that started all.. we became close and by the e learned from his mom that im already separated
(20:59:01) Mike:So he’s a semen?
(20:59:12) Some Girl:yes thats right
(20:59:23) Mike:that’s a very…fertile job.
(20:59:49) Some Girl:but according to him his cousin and his mom.. his a very good guy
(21:00:16) Some Girl:fertile job….what do you mean by this?
(21:00:34) Mike:I mean he probably has a lot of money.
(21:00:52) Some Girl:ah okey.. and thats one of his problem
(21:01:15) Mike:But the thing with semen are they like to go up tubes and stick their head into eggs and stuff like that. They’re absolute womanizers.
(21:01:42) Some Girl:i think his not
(21:02:0 Mike:Well okay if you say so sister. He’s the first semen who didn’t like chicks that’s for sure.
(21:02:24) Some Girl:according to him.. i know him since we were in high skul.. and we have the same church or religon
(21:02:40) Mike:Are you methodist? Do you like meth? how about crystal meth?
(21:02:41) Some Girl:i just hope his telling the truth
(21:02:50) Some Girl:no protestant
(21:03:02) Mike:Okay. So what’s the problem. Tell me the core problem.
(21:03:22) Some Girl:well we fell in love with each other
(21:03:25) Mike:Well I absolutely love crystal meth.
(21:03:33) Some Girl:sure
(21:03:59) Mike:Well I don’t see any problems with that. I mean his wife is pretty much useless in bed and all.
(21:04:0 Some Girl:We love each other so much to the extend that according to him he dont love his wife anymore… maybe bec of her wifes situation
(21:04:31) Mike:Do you guys have sex?
(21:04:47) Some Girl:the problem is.. I know his family.. im very close to his family
(21:04:50) Some Girl:we did
(21:04:59) Mike:Was it good?
(21:05:12) Some Girl:what you mean
(21:05:26) Mike:I mean does he say stuff like “THE PRINCES IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE” when he has sex with you?
(21:05:39) Mike:or does he say “THOU PROTESTETH TOO MUCH?”
(21:05:55) Some Girl:what u mean .. i dont get it
(21:06:10) Mike:Nevermind. Well anyway. I was asking you was it worth it? Was it good sex?
(21:06:2 Some Girl:yeh of course
(21:06:37) Mike:and where do you do it? Your place or his?
(21:06:41) Some Girl:pls explain it to me
(21:06:51) Some Girl:no somewhere
(21:07:09) Mike:I have to know. Because I have this method of telling love and lust apart unlike most people.
(21:07:26) Mike:I studied that in college it’s called Maslow’s theory of lust and love by Jane Austen.
(21:07:43) Mike:So where do you do it? Motels? Cars?
(21:07:50) Mike:Bakeries?
(21:08:12) Some Girl:both
(21:08:29) Some Girl:but not Bakeries
(21:08:33) Some Girl:heheheheh
(21:09:54) Some Girl:i think ur messge is tooo long
(21:09:59) Mike:Yeah that’s messed up. don’t do it in bakeries. I mean I buy bread from bakeries for chrissakes.
(21:10:34) Some Girl:so whts the matter if we do it inside the car
(21:10:57) Mike:So in the motels do you leave the TV on? Or do you watch Discovery channel?
(21:11:21) Some Girl:no…………. turn the lights of
(21:11:56) Mike:Well according to Albert Maslow, if you do it in the car it’s our medula oblangata that functions which means it’s just lust. and the guy would probably drop you like a hot potato after giving you mouth babies using his bird.
(21:12:14) Mike:It’s sad that girls don’t know that.
(21:12:32) Some Girl:really.. know i know.. but i already did it
(21:12:42) Some Girl:i mean now i know
(21:13:13) Mike:Anyways, when you do it in the motel; what position do you use? Missionary? Helicopter? Suspended chimp? Double Barrel whammy?
(21:14:19) Some Girl:i dont kow normal…. 69… woman on top..why you ask
(21:15:45) :Buzz!!
(21:15:5 Mike:It’s important too you know! According to Bob Tolkien, when couples do a ‘woman on top’ the guy is more likely to be more submissive in the relationship meaning he wouldn’t mind if you cheat on him with some Hobo, or crush his balls using a ming vase; He’ll just simply LOVE YOU
(21:16:00) Some Girl:are you stil there
(21:16:2 Some Girl:relly he really love that position
(21:16:33) Some Girl:how about 69
(21:16:46) Mike:And while he’s loving you, musical little creatures will follow him where ever he goes like he’s the f’ing fruit fairy.
(21:17:00) Mike:What’s 69 I’m not familiar with that sorry, care to describe it?
(21:17:12) Some Girl:i dont get it.. matalinhaga
(21:18:17) Some Girl:the man will kiss the girl at her you know.. and vice versa
(21:18:37) Mike:where?! I don’t get it.
(21:18:5 Some Girl:at her peanut and at his balls
(21:19:04) Some Girl:get it
(21:19:13) Mike:Ooooooookay.
(21:19:34) Mike:Well I don’t know.
(21:19:53) Some Girl:I have this guilt feeling, I always think that Im his other woman, but he always tell me that his mother and fFather wuill understand him because of his situation. Im afraid of whats to come and whats waiting for us and also what will other people will say about our relationship. I dont want to lose him again, I feel he really love me more necause he call me almost everyday
(21:20:21) Mike:Okay let me give you advice. a very brutal one.
(21:20:33) Some Girl:how about the normal position
(21:20:53) Mike:Well normal is just that. Normal. Vanilla. it’s boring.
(21:21:02) Some Girl:korek
(21:22:17) Mike:Well I think you’re just doing this for yourself because you desperately need somebody to satisfy your primordial need to be pampered. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you because all women have that need. And it’s annoying. Very.
(21:23:16) Some Girl:but i feel i really love him and i forget my ex
(21:24:27) Mike:And him, he’s just seeing you because he wants to have sex with a normal, consenting female for a change. I mean come on! Have you tried doing a paralyzed girl with problems in her plumbing? How about a girl that looks like Jesse ‘the body’ ventura? I HAVE and it’s not nice!
(21:24:5 Mike:do you have a picture?
(21:25:04) Some Girl:yes
(21:25:23) Mike:can you send it to my email v1ll4r@yahoo.com
(21:25:33) Mike:and the pic of the guy please if you have one
(21:26:25) Some Girl:WHY
(21:27:02) Some Girl:ANG PANGI NYA DUN EH.. NAKASIDEVIEW
(21:27:09) Mike:doesn’t matter.
(21:27:2 Some Girl:YOU WANT TO SEE IT
(21:27:46) Mike:um yeah. Do you have friendster?
(21:28:04) Some Girl:i have..
(21:28:16) Some Girl:how about you..hheeheh
(21:28:54) Mike:I don’t. Friendster’s gay.
(21:29:22) Some Girl:ill end u na lang the pic or show it here
(21:29:25) Some Girl:wait
(21:29:39) Mike:send it.
(21:31:12) Mike:You’re actually pretty hot you know.
(21:31:22) Some Girl:wait
(21:31:23) Mike:You deserve better than this semen guy.
(21:31:24) Some Girl:why u say
(21:31:39) Mike:because I saw your pics on friendster and you look pretty tasty
(21:31:50) Some Girl:ganun
(21:31:54) Mike:you simply deserve better. Forget the semen guy!
(21:32:10) Some Girl:i dont want.. i love him
(21:32:30) Some Girl:why do you say forget him.. you tyhink my life will be misserable
(21:33:16) Mike:Definitely. I mean players only love you when they’re playing. I know a Sensitive New Age Guy who could love you more. like definitely LOVE you. his name’s Mike.
(21:33:5 Mike:if you want I could hook you guys up.
(21:34:10) Some Girl:nohhh where do you get the name mike
(21:34:27) Some Girl:who my husband
(21:34:49) Mike:No I said I know a guy whose name is Mike. He’s sensitive, a little chubby and has dark underarms but he’ll love you long time.
(21:35:09) Some Girl:whose that
(21:35:16) Mike:a friend.
(21:35:20) Mike:You want his number?
(21:35:34) Some Girl:im sorry.. i dont wat
(21:35:47) Some Girl:why are you giving me this gut
(21:36:10) Mike:because I know he’ll treat you right.
(21:36:41) Some Girl:but i dont know him.. and i dont like himm can you show me his picture
(21:37:34) Mike:he has friendster.
(21:38:10) Mike:check him out and send him a message if you’re interested. his email address is mike.villar@gmail.com you can search that in friendster.
(21:40:17) Some Girl:wit but thts not my problem
(21:41:1 Mike:but there’s nothing good sex can’t take away. I suggest you contact him. Now.
(21:42:05) Some Girl:d ko namn habol ang sex eh\
(21:42:10) Mike:well you suck.
(21:42:19) Some Girl:what
(21:42:24) Mike:I said YOU SUCK.
(21:42:3 Some Girl:i dont need it
(21:43:07) Mike:go away!
(21:43:10) Mike:I hate you!
(21:43:19) Some Girl:are u realy joe
(21:43:22) Mike:um no.
(21:43:40) Mike:I’m Bob.
(21:43:54) Some Girl:whose bob
(21:44:0 Mike:So now you wanna be friends?
(21:44:10) Mike:Go away!
(21:44:40) Some Girl:my god