Coffee, love, sex and aliens

Sometimes you just have it coming. You drank a lot last night and you’re sure as hell that you’re going to pay for it. I mean do the math. X+Y=Z. ‘X’ represents the total number of beers you downed. ‘Y’ is the total hours of sleep you’ve had. And ‘Z’ is the monster hangover that’s going to kick your sorry little ass down a flight of stairs.

Of course, there are preventive measures you can take. Who knows? You might get away with an underhanded preemptive strike. You could drink gallons of water before crashing to bed, pop some Ponstan or whatever; but everybody knows that these rarely work and chances are still good that you’re not going to simply walk away from all of this feeling anything less than a very bad day in hell.

Surprisingly, there are mornings when you wake up doubled up in a fetal position expecting the dreaded thing to hit you from all sides but realize that Lord Hangover feels unusually merciful today. These are the rare occasions when you rise from your hangover like fucking Lazarus. You were a stiff dead guy the night before but you kind of shoot out of your tomb this morning, got yourself some breakfast complete with that somewhat brackish cup of instant coffee and everything seems to be normal.

I don’t know how this sort of thing happens, but I rolled off bed today relatively unscathed. There’s this ringing on my left ear, but other than that I feel peachy.

You see, last night, I went out boozing with my good friend Jenan; it feels weird to go out drinking on a Friday night instead of the usual Saturday night, but I figured that since I’m a normal person now who works through a regular 9am to 6pm shift, I might as well get used to it. We sat down to talk and have coffee somewhere in West Avenue to help cleanse the putrid stream of alcohol running through our system.

“I’m really sorry I was late tonight, Jenan.� I said through the ambient Jazz music and droning of people in the smoking section of the Café. “I got called in for a quick meeting as I was about to get off and you know how those go.� I added.

“You weren’t late Mike, you were extremely late.� She said taking a sip of her cup.

“Okay let me be honest with you, I was supposed to get off around 7pm but I must’ve looked at my wristwatch a hundred times before it occurred to me that the goddamn thing stopped. After the meeting, I went out to drag in some nicotine and I glanced at it. It read 6:22. So I decided to do some more research to pass the time and took another look at it after a few minutes. Still 6:22. So I thought what the hell right? I might as well get a move on since it’s Friday and rush hour EDSA is normally unforgiving. I shutdown my workstation, grab my keys and jacket and looked at my watch again. Dammit, it’s still 6:22!! Now what kind of sadistic prank is this?! What the fuck?! Then it finally occurred to me that the second hand of my watch wasn’t moving.� I said massaging my temples and stirring my coffee lazily at the same time.

“That’s interesting; maybe some space aliens were using you as a guinea pig or something. Maybe for an experiment on the subjectivity of time.� She laughs. “Imagine them asking amongst themselves questions like ‘How long do you suppose this primitive life form could figure out we removed the batteries of his watch.� Sometimes I wonder why all my female friends are annoyingly witty bitches.

“You know what? That is a very plausible theory!� I said shaking a finger at her like I had a point. “Maybe they have alien names like Zordo and Glizz or something.� I said wrinkling my forehead trying to look serious. “Just observe Zordo, he’s going to look at it again and still not realize what’s going on. Just watch. How about we make a wager? A hundred bucks? You’re on buddy boy!Here he comes, he looks like he’s getting his jacket. He’s looking at it! He’s looking at it! He’s looking right at his watch! HAH! He still didn’t realize that his watch wasn’t working! Cough it up bitch!� I said coming up with the worst drunken story in human history.

Jenan was laughing so hard I almost felt embarrassed on her behalf. Her brown eyes are still wide awake in spite of all the alcohol we consumed earlier. This girl’s a real life superhero as far as I’m concerned. She doesn’t need a costume to turn herself into the Impervious-to-the-effects-of-alcohol girl. She just needs a steaming cup of coffee.

I, on the other hand, am an obnoxious drunken thing. I make a feeble attempt at doing something coordinated like trying to drink my coffee and I screw it up. It was too late before I realized it was too hot and I ended up doing the manly thing to do which was to suck everything in even if I felt like the innards of my mouth just suffered third degree burns.

“Wait, wait, wait…� Jenan said putting down her coffee cup. “What’s going on with you and that Nixie girl you were dating?� She asks. “Judging from the way you talk about it, I have a feeling that you’re trying to avoid a potential relationship. What’s the real deal?�

“That’s basically my plan. And I don’t expect it to change in the near future.�

“You fucking asshole! Are you still trying to hide this from me?!� She reaches across the round coffee table and pinches me in the side.

“Owwww!!!! It’s just that I have something better than a girlfriend now and I don’t want to ruin that!� I cried out a little too loud as I notice other people in the coffee shop darting me with irritated looks.

“Okay, so how often do you see each other?� She said, finally releasing me from her death pinch.

“Weekly; actually was planning to see her tomorrow.�

“Wohooo! Sex!� boy, did she say that a little louder than necessary.

“Kind of cool eh? I’m the geek who usually looks forward to spending intimate time with my PlayStation or my PC on weekends. It’s refreshing to have some sex to look forward to for a change.� I say feeling a tad embarrassed.

“Let me ask you though Mike, do you feel it for her? Do you expect all of this dry humping to blossom into a wonderful relationship?� She asks.

“I don’t have a definite answer for that yet. Although, I can say that she is very special and she takes me away from all this routine. You know what I mean? My life is one huge fucking routine. I go to work, I come home, eat dinner, watch TV, sleep. Sure I go out on weekends like this to get drunk and I guess that takes me away for a while but come Monday, the entire Rat race starts again.� I said borrowing a term from Kiyosaki.“Nixie’s a wild card and I love that about her. She’s just what I need at this point in my life.� I add.

She laughed so hard at that and before I realized it, I was laughing along with her although I’m not exactly sure what’s so funny. But we were getting the attention of our fans again so we decided to pipe down.

My last comment about Nixie got me thinking about her a lot. My emotions got to swirling themselves around in a blender and I had a weird feeling of wanting to be with her right now. Yes. Right NOW.

I don’t know if anybody can relate to me about this one but I tend to associate scents with various situations in my life. Like for instance, there’s a smell I associate when I’m nervous, there’s a smell I associate with childhood; hell there’s even a smell I associate with flu.

Right now, I smell love.